Conflicted about Conflict

 If you're anything like me, timid, shy, slightly reserved... then I know how you would react to conflict. If you're anything like me, conflict is something you try to avoid because you are a tender spirit and don't want to be hurt, but also because you are just scared of conflict. Unfortunately, life does not hand us easy roads to walk down, and God never intended life to be easy. In fact, he allows us to go through trials so that we can come out stronger and better on the other side.

Most recently, I lost a dear friend of mine due to conflict... My mother and I have been mentors to her for years. She always asked us to hold her accountable if we saw her starting to go down a bad path. Well, my mother saw some questionable things on Facebook from my friend, so she questioned her about it, and used a little bit of tough love. However, you can be the nicest person in the world and say something as nicely as possible, and it still doesn't go over so well. That is why I don't like conflict. There's always that possibility of things going wrong, which makes it hard. That is why I am doing this devotional. I struggle with conflict, and can be a "peace at any cost" kind of person, which won't help others and definitely won't help me. Every time I confront someone, I cry, questioning if I did the right thing. So I prayed to God that he would help me find a balance... to not be too harsh, but not too gentle. Matthew 10:16 says, "...Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." So this devotional is about dealing with fears of conflict and how to go about dealing with conflict in the right way. 

Fear of Conflict
 Joshua 1:9- "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” If I haven't said, it before, I'll say it now: no one likes conflict. There are a great many things that can cause conflict, whether purposefully or by accident. However, God never intended for us to be scared of anything. People can be scared of spiders, heights, conflict, etc., but fear is still fear and it can be a crippling emotion to deal with. 2 Timothy 1:7 says: God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. I believe that fear of conflict comes from not realizing the authority that God gave us, and Satan would love nothing more than to make us cower in fear and ultimately, submit to that fear. When we submit to that fear, we give our authority over to Satan. As humans, we give Satan too much authority and glorification, and fail to realize that he is just a created being. As children of God, Satan has no authority over our lives, but he would certainly like us to think so! So just like in Joshua 1:9, know that the Lord is with you, and he will help you face your fear. He will always be with you and help you! 

How To Deal With Conflict and Hold Others Accountable In A Christ-like Manner
 First off, this is a perfect example of what NOT to do: Jonah 1:1-3 says: The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord. Now, there are many reasons people don't want to deal with conflict. Sometimes, out of our own desires to escape conflict, we don't see that God may have a purpose in it. Just imagine what might have happened if Jonah hadn't gone to Nineveh. Granted he was swallowed by a whale, but beyond that... What do you think would have happened to both the people of Nineveh and Jonah? God, in his infinite love, didn't want the people of Nineveh to perish. He wanted to give them a chance. However, God had a lesson for Jonah as well. It's important for us to trust God and understand that everything happens for a reason. Though we don't always like the situations that God puts us in or allows us to go through, there is a reason for it and it will be beneficial in the end. Granted, you do need to choose your battles wisely and not just come out, ready to strike at any little sign of conflict. Some things can be let go of... for example, don't go trying to speak nice to someone who is threatening to deck you. Pick your battles wisely, and have the wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay silent.

James 1:19- Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; Sometimes, when faced with conflict, we don't know what to say, we say things the wrong way, or we say things that shouldn't be said at all.  The art of speech is a very difficult thing to master in everyday situations, but even harder to master when it comes to conflict. Proverbs 15:1 says: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. What you say in a conflict is of great importance. Matthew 12:37 says, "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." In other words, if your words are good and right, you won't have any problems, but if your words are bad and wrong, you automatically set yourself up for failure! When we speak to people, regardless of their reaction toward us, we should speak with gentleness, and love. Colossians 4:6 says: Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Galatians 6:1-2-  Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. God wants us to hold each other accountable for the things we do. We all makes mistakes and sin on a regular basis, so it isn't up to us to point fingers, but without someone to lovingly show us when we mess up, no one would be able to learn or grow from those messes. However, when going into a conversation that involves holding someone accountable, it has to be done carefully. Matthew 18:15-17 says, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." Titus was appointed the task of teaching the people of Crete how to teach each other and what must be taught. Titus 2:7-8, 11-15 says:  "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us... For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you." When I wrote to my friend, the one I mentioned earlier, about how she was acting, not just in general, but towards my mother, I was sad because I didn't want to have to tell my friend that she wasn't behaving appropriately, but I knew that if I didn't say something, it would let her know that how she treated my mother was okay. Sometimes for the sake of others, we must step forward and say something so that they may learn from these things in the future. Like Titus says, we should set an example in everything we do, understanding that we help to shape each other. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." 

Conflict and holding others accountable are two things that are never easy to deal with, but it's best that we know what to do when we are faced with it. Understand that God has a reason for everything, including conflict, and know that he won't leave you alone in any situation! Just pray for God to guide you and you will do great! :)